Wall of Modern Love

When I Ghosted Her

Dear Ciari and Bea,

I heard that you’re having guys as your guests for the next episode, and I’d like to get their advice on this, because sorry as macho as it sounds, I don’t tell my friends about my love problems. I didn’t expect that the quarantine would make me this lonely, nor did I expect it to last this long. I’m the kind of guy who actually loves the idea of being in love, so I’m always trying to date. A few months into this long ass quarantine, I figured that I should go on bumble, I was able to talk to some girls there but it all faded. I didn’t really find a strong connection or chemistry with anybody there. Fast forward to October, I got into talking with an acquaintance on instagram, she’s a friend of a friend, we were introduced a long time ago and even then, I thought that she was cute but kind of out of my league. Since the pandemic induced us more to the black hole that is social media, I’ve been glued on instagram and this girl is always actively posting a story. So from time to time I’d slide into her dms. She flirted back- surprisingly. We really hit it off, as in, she could finish my sentences. It was easy for me to just talk to her then. But then one day, she asked me why I still haven’t asked her out, I guess she was just bored of the banter already. It really caught me off guard though, I wasn’t clear with my answer to her and then I suddenly stopped replying to her messages altogether. Looking back, I think a big reason why I ghosted her was because I’m overthinking everything. I don’t know, I guess I want her but I’m also not sure with myself? Besides, we’re still in the middle of a pandemic. I know I sound like a red flag to you girls and that I’m just making this shit up but I’m really just conflicted. Yeah, I’m indecisive but I think I know that a big part of me likes her. I just don’t know why my actions say otherwise. She’s perfect, she’s funny, the kind of girl who seemed to have everything figured out. I want to just move on and forget because I can’t believe I choked. But then again, I keep finding myself consumed by the likes of her, I want to message her, I can’t stand the thought of losing her without even trying it out for real except I’m also not sure how she’d react now, or what I need to do. it’s been weeks since we last talked. I hope it’s not too late. How do I approach her again, she might see my intentions as shady. Hell, I don’t know why I’m even paranoid about how she thinks of me. How do you guys deal with your torpeness and insecurities? Is it just me or us guys really find it so hard to communicate how we feel? Pls send help.

Mr. Torpe

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